Last night i woke up for a drink, the watch was showing 2 a.m., holding a nescafe on my right hand and a ciggaro on my left hand, i stood near the balcony, slowly drifting into my deepest thought, having put aside my fucked up financial status, not to mention the serious headache i've been having for the last two weeks, i'd realize something, until now, i've been saying that i'm okay without her, it's easier not having a girlfriend, no burdens and etc.
The fact is, i'm still missing something, the hole that was dwelling in my heart is still unfilled, i felt hollow. It seems that all my effort of being an obnoxious, total ass just to cover up my loneliness hasn't working as well as i thought it will be. As it seems, my friends do notice that, sometimes, i grew tired of them just saying,"wan, cari awek la." Not that i don't want to, it's just i'm scared, scared of achieving something, just to lose it again. Though, i do have a little interest on a girl, even so, i couldn't say anything to her, cause of they all still label me as," boyfriend **** tu ke?" Please la, you all saw her right? NO FEELINGS, i repeat, NO FEELINGS. You can even see her f**ebook profile, already in a relationship, right after about a week after our breakup, Me? see for yourself.
Not to put anyone's name to fault, i blame me, myself and i, maybe because i'm not man enough, maybe because i'm not good-looking, or just maybe just because it's ME. Then i watch the clock again and its showing 3 a.m., what the f**k? Really? huh, i must be kidding myself. That's when i decide, you have to move on Zuan, you can't stay on like this. I only wish that someday, maybe, someone will see and fell for me as i really am.
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